iDrift Into Dreamland
by anquhluh
Summary: When Sam has trouble sleeping, she finds herself making a late night entrance into the Shay loft, where she ends up opening up to Spencer in a way she had never imagined she would. Spam,deals with a very sensitive topic,rated T. I do not own iCarly.
1. iTry to Sleep

**Hey everyone, this is my latest Spam fic. I know I haven't put in much work on my other fic, and that's because I've been writing the Spam fics during class, and I don't have my laptop with me to work on that story. Now that classes are over, I should have a chance to finish the chapter I've been working on.**

**Anyway, on to this story. This deals with a heavy issue. I won't say what it is so that I don't ruin the story, but please be aware that it's a been intense. I tried my best to write about it with the utmost respect and reality, and I apologize in advance if I captured anything in an unrealistic manner. That said, happy reading. Reviews are appreciated.**

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**Sam Puckett hated the springtime. I could be the most beautiful day in the history of ever, but it didn't matter to her. The brisk nighttime breeze didn't soothe her to sleep, not inside the dingy four walls of her bedroom where she could hear the filthy noises coming from her mother's bedroom next door. The drunken slurs and grunts kept her awake at night for so many years that they barely registered in her head anymore.

She sighed, turning for the umpteenth time. After a few moments and a particularly loud giggle, she sat up. She pulled on her sneakers, muttering to herself as she tied them. She grabbed her favorite hoodie, zipping it up and pulling the hood over her mass of blonde curls.

She checked the clock, 1:18 AM. She shook her head as she opened her window, balancing carefully as she leaned forward and grabbed a branch. She used the branch to swing slightly, grabbing the trunk. The climbed down the tree, hitting the sidewalk with a light thud.

She began the twelve block walk that she knew by heart. Four blocks straight, make a left, four more blocks, make a right. Four more blocks and she'd find herself in front of her safe haven.

When she got there, she tip-toed past a sleeping Lewbert and took the elevator up. She walked over to Carly's apartment and got the spare key from under the welcome mat. She placed it back after opening the door and closed it behind her. She moved quietly up the stairs and through Carly's open bedroom door. She sat on the bed, taking her sneakers off. Carly didn't stir-- she was used to Sam showing up at all hours of the night. Sam slipped under the covers and began to settle in when she heard it: Carly's loud snoring. It was Carly's allergies that made her snore. It made Sam hate spring even more.

She sighed again, grabbing her hoodie and sneakers. She headed back down the stairs, where she plopped down on the couch. Fluffing the pillow and curling up comfortable, she drifted off into what she hoped would be a peaceful sleep.


	2. iGet a Wake Up Call

It was the sound of heavy sobbing that woke him up. He rubbed his eyes, making sure he was really awake and hearing something. He waited a moment, and then heard the noise again. He walked out of his room and straight to the stairs, prepared to wake Carly up out of a nightmare. As he hit the first step, he was startled to hear the noise coming from behind him. He peered over the couch to see the sobs were coming from under a blanket of blonde curls.

Her breathing was uneven. She choked slightly on her heavy sobs. He walked around the couch and knelt down next to it. He carefully moved some strands of hair our of her face and saw her tear-streaked cheeks. Her eyes were clamped shut, so tightly that her face looked pained. He placed his hand on her arm, gently shaking her.

"Sam...Sam, get up," she remained curled up, as if she was trying to hide in a shell. "Sam, it's okay, wake up." He moved his hand further up her arm, causing her to jump and scream.

"Don't touch me!" she cried, her eyes shooting open. It took her a moment to get reacquainted with her surroundings and realize what was going on.

As her blurred vision cleared, she could make out his face. "Oh, Spencer…" she said quietly. She turned away quickly, embarrassed. She wiped the tears off her face, mumbling how she was okay. Spencer gave her a minute to get herself together. She sat up, not looking at him. He sat next to her.

"Want to talk about it?"

"I'm fine," she said, the quiver in her voice indicating the exact opposite.

"Sam, you were hysterical. You're not fine. I'm not going to force you to talk to me, but if you want to, I'm always here." He stood up and took a step toward his bedroom.

As he took another step, he heard a small voice from behind him. "You can't tell Carly," she said softly.

He turned back, looking at her. "I would never." He made his way back to the couch, turning toward Sam.

She sat with her back against the arm of the couch. She brought her knees to her chest, hugging herself tightly. "My dream…my nightmare was about something that happened a few years ago, just after we started iCarly."

Spencer watched as she diverted her eyes from him. He felt nervous as he finally saw the look in her eyes. It was a look he'd never seen, one of fear.

"I went home one night after the show. My mom was home with one of her boyfriends. She'd just met the guy, but he was staying over. It happened a lot, so I didn't think much of it. I just went to my room, chilled for a little, and got ready for bed. I laid down and heard them doing whatever so I put my PearPod on and fell asleep." She sighed, her body tensing up. Her fear was more evident. Her eyes were steady on the space between her and Spencer on the couch.

"I woke up when I felt a hand over my mouth. It was my mom's boyfriend. He had on a t-shirt and his boxers. The look on his face freaked me out." She wouldn't say scared. Sam Puckett didn't get scared, but Spencer knew the wiser. He was a kid just like her once.

"Oh my God, Sam," Spencer interjected. He knew what was coming and it made his stomach turn. He couldn't believe this had happened to her.

She didn't stop telling her story. It was her first time really telling anyone, and despite her reluctance, she knew finally opening up would do her some good. "I tried to push him off of me. I didn't think it;d be that hard. I mean, I'm Sam Puckett. I've fought off truck TV show chefs and big, half-human half-alien type bullies," she paused, struggling. "But... it was hard, so hard. I was struggling to move and struggling to breathe and I just didn't know if I was going to survive the struggle." Her pace ahd become quickened and she paused to steady her speech.

"He put all of his weight on me and moved himself on top of me. He let go of my mouth and I screamed as loud as I could as he grabbed my wrists. He told me there was no point in screaming, that my mom was passed out and she wouldn't hear me. I knew he was right, I mean, when had she ever heard me up crying during the night?"

With every word she said, Spencer's heart broke for her. He wouldn't try to stop her again though, because as much as he felt her pain, he felt her empowerment in being able to tell her story.

Sam's heart was beating so loud that she could hear it ringing in her ears, just as it did that night, as she relived the moment out loud. "He told me he wanted to be my friend and that plenty of friends did this sort of thing. The combination of what he was saying and the smell of motor oil and cheap booze were making me sick. I could feel the bile coming up my throat. The next thing I knew, he was holding both of my arms with one hand and I just heard the sound of his belt and I knew I couldn't be saved."

She stopped there. To tell her story was one thing, but to get into all the gory details was another. She finally let her eyes meet Spencer's, and she saw the devastation in his eyes. He did all he could not to cry from what he could tell. She didn't know what else to say, so she just said what she'd been thinking since the moment it happened. "You know, it sounds lame, but while it was happening, I couldn't believe it. This was the kind of thing that happened in books and movies. I never imagined, never thought it happened to girls like me." She fell quiet, focusing on her hands. Spencer's voice brought her attention back to him.

"Sam, I don't really know what to say. I'm sorry for what you went through but I also know sorry just…it isn't enough. Your mom isn't still with this guy, is she?"

"No. He kept coming around for a while after it happened, but then he just disappeared."

"You should get some help. If nothing else, it might help you sleep easier."

"This helped. It did. I've wanted to tell someone for so long. I just don't want everyone feeling sorry for me and I don't want someone to try and get me to go to the cops and all. That's why I never told Carly or Freddie. They're good people, they'd want to help me but I just don't need the help. I just want to deal with it myself, and other than the dreams, I pretty much have."

"I'm glad you have, Sam. I really admire you. You're stronger than anyone knows," he said, offering her a soft smile.

Sam smiled back, feeling a small bit of everything that had been weighing down on her for so long lifted. "Thanks Spence. For everything," she said, wrapping her arms around him.

He was slightly stunned for a moment. She felt so small in his arms. He thought back on whether he'd ever held her before, and if he did, had he felt like this? Was this knot in his stomach something he was feeling for the first time or was this his natural reaction to Sam being around?

He looked down and saw her blonde hair contrasting against his black t-shirt. He watched as her head rose and fell rhythmically with his breathing. Then she looked up at him, scooting more upright. Her blue eyes locked on his as she moved closer to him.

Spencer wasn't sure whether he closed the gap between them of if she'd even stopped to give him the chance to. All he knew was that he found himself with his lips mashed against those of his little sister's best friend. They were the same age, that age being 13 years younger than him. It was wrong, so wrong, and he needed to stop, but his heart told him it was right. Still, he forced his mind to take control. He broke the kiss, apologetically explaining himself.

"Sam, we can't do this. If you were older, it'd be a totally different story, but you're not. You're sixteen, you're just a kid."

"Spencer, I'm not a kid. I haven't been a kid since that night and I'm not sure how much of a kid I was before that." She looked dead at him, her eyes unwavering.

He knew she was right. Yes, her age indicated she was still too young, but when had she gotten to really act young. Only in this loft, only within these walls. She wasn't a kid when she was taking care of her drunken mother. She wasn't a kid when she had to take care of herself. She was a kid when she was raped and that was exactly what had been taken from her. She wasn't a naïve little girl in the ways he was thankful his little sister still was. Sam had experienced more than her years could vouch for.

He took her hand, leading her into his bedroom silently. He gestured to her to lay down before laying down next to her. "Get some sleep. I'll be right here."

She closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep with his arm around her waist. Tonight, he'd care for her and protect her, giving her a few more hours of the childhood she's been robbed of. Whatever there was between them, it could wait for that.


End file.
